A Married Conversation!

It was that almost perfect Sunday morning, as I was sitting lazed in the balcony, in my favourite rocking chair, with the Sunday Times in my hand. I had just finished reading the Jugular Vein, and life seemed so good, till Vaish decided I had had enough fun for the day.

"You don't talk to me", she complained.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean"

"I'm talking to you, right now!"

"You think it's funny?"

"It was intended to be"

"Well it's not"

Context changes, but the words remain the same, or similar. At times, the conversation is exactly opposite, with Vaishali saying the lines, which I am saying now. Today, she's pissed off, and I'm the one who's managing to fake that detached, patronizing rationality. In other words, I'm being the smart-ass today.

"Don't evade the subject"

"For that, I'll have to know the subject!"

"Are you even interested in talking to me?"

At times, I think there is something wrong with me! People seem to be able to answer such questions easily. I, however, cannot even begin to think what I'm supposed to say. I mean, I know what she wants me to say. But unless I know the subject of the discussion, how can I positively say whether I'm interested or not?

"Of course, I am, dear", I decide to take the immoral way out, by saying exactly what she wants to hear -- screw my principles.

My mind, ashamed of its dishonesty, decides in the meanwhile to go on a purification mission, as starts reading the The Speaking Tree. It also reserves that customary bandwidth for the next dose of (annoying) data, just in case a response is expected. Nothing comes for a while; must have been at least five minutes, or even ten. Obviously, that conversation (or lack of it) is forgotten completely.

After I was done with the Speaking Tree and the Leader Article, I glanced up. Amazingly, she was still there, hands folded in front, looking straight at me, with a helpless scorn.

"Done with your reading?", do I sense some hostility there?

"Huh?", I retorted, trying to figure out what could this be about.

"You're mighty interested in talking, aren't you?"

Suddenly it hits me. "Oh! that"

"Yes! that."

"Okay, let's talk about it, whatever it is."

"Forget it!"

"No, I'm really interested"

"Oh yeah? Tell me more about it"

"Come on now, I was listening! You didn't say a word"

"You didn't even raise your head from that goddamn newspaper for a full twenty minutes!", now she's exaggerating. It couldn't have been more than fifteen, I swear!

"But I thought, you had something to say", I try to weasel my way out, badly.

"That's why you were reading?"

"I was listening! How else do I know you didn't say a word?", another full-toss.

"Oh! You knew that. And still couldn't ask me, why I'm not saying a word!"

Some conversations you cannot win. Specially against your wife. Especially if your wife is as intelligent as Vaish. But, let me tell you, it doesn't matter how intelligent your wife is to start with; in six months (max) after you're together, she'll manage to surpass you. It could be that she'll dumb you down, or that she'll suddenly become more smart, or even both. The net result would never work in your favour. You should just learn to know when to let go.

"Dear, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to do that. It just happened.", is exactly the kind of line you should rehearse, again and again, till even you believe it. This is absolutely vital. Unless you believe it, she's not going to. No way. Keep practicing. And say it right at the first hint of defeat.

"You're one smart actor!". Well, nobody's perfect.

Still, at this point, you've created an opening. Voice modulation is of immense importance here.

"Why would you say that. I agree I was wrong, very wrong! Let's talk. I want to know what's bugging you."

Amazingly, she buys that. It's just been about 5 and a half months. On a flip side, I would have to now actually listen to what she's saying, and make her believe, somehow, that I'm empathizing. On a positive side though, I have managed to exhaust her and soften her a bit. So whatever she bowls now, the batting conditions are good.

There goes my almost perfect morning...