Hand Picked Rubbish

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Marjar Chronicles

(This is a blog in progress. Will add more links as I post more parts. No guarantees that this will ever finish)

The Marjar Chronicles so far:

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII
Semi-Final Part
Final Part

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

The Buck Started Right Here

This is an index blog to the Buck Started Right Here series on Dud Sea Scrawls. This series is an open-ended series, and since it's hard to find out all parts on DSS, I'm putting on the links here for cross reference. I wanted to post the full series here, but that doesn't make much sense.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

A Married Conversation!

It was that almost perfect Sunday morning, as I was sitting lazed in the balcony, in my favourite rocking chair, with the Sunday Times in my hand. I had just finished reading the Jugular Vein, and life seemed so good, till Vaish decided I had had enough fun for the day.

"You don't talk to me", she complained.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean"

"I'm talking to you, right now!"

"You think it's funny?"

"It was intended to be"

"Well it's not"

Context changes, but the words remain the same, or similar. At times, the conversation is exactly opposite, with Vaishali saying the lines, which I am saying now. Today, she's pissed off, and I'm the one who's managing to fake that detached, patronizing rationality. In other words, I'm being the smart-ass today.

"Don't evade the subject"

"For that, I'll have to know the subject!"

"Are you even interested in talking to me?"

At times, I think there is something wrong with me! People seem to be able to answer such questions easily. I, however, cannot even begin to think what I'm supposed to say. I mean, I know what she wants me to say. But unless I know the subject of the discussion, how can I positively say whether I'm interested or not?

"Of course, I am, dear", I decide to take the immoral way out, by saying exactly what she wants to hear -- screw my principles.

My mind, ashamed of its dishonesty, decides in the meanwhile to go on a purification mission, as starts reading the The Speaking Tree. It also reserves that customary bandwidth for the next dose of (annoying) data, just in case a response is expected. Nothing comes for a while; must have been at least five minutes, or even ten. Obviously, that conversation (or lack of it) is forgotten completely.

After I was done with the Speaking Tree and the Leader Article, I glanced up. Amazingly, she was still there, hands folded in front, looking straight at me, with a helpless scorn.

"Done with your reading?", do I sense some hostility there?

"Huh?", I retorted, trying to figure out what could this be about.

"You're mighty interested in talking, aren't you?"

Suddenly it hits me. "Oh! that"

"Yes! that."

"Okay, let's talk about it, whatever it is."

"Forget it!"

"No, I'm really interested"

"Oh yeah? Tell me more about it"

"Come on now, I was listening! You didn't say a word"

"You didn't even raise your head from that goddamn newspaper for a full twenty minutes!", now she's exaggerating. It couldn't have been more than fifteen, I swear!

"But I thought, you had something to say", I try to weasel my way out, badly.

"That's why you were reading?"

"I was listening! How else do I know you didn't say a word?", another full-toss.

"Oh! You knew that. And still couldn't ask me, why I'm not saying a word!"

Some conversations you cannot win. Specially against your wife. Especially if your wife is as intelligent as Vaish. But, let me tell you, it doesn't matter how intelligent your wife is to start with; in six months (max) after you're together, she'll manage to surpass you. It could be that she'll dumb you down, or that she'll suddenly become more smart, or even both. The net result would never work in your favour. You should just learn to know when to let go.

"Dear, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to do that. It just happened.", is exactly the kind of line you should rehearse, again and again, till even you believe it. This is absolutely vital. Unless you believe it, she's not going to. No way. Keep practicing. And say it right at the first hint of defeat.

"You're one smart actor!". Well, nobody's perfect.

Still, at this point, you've created an opening. Voice modulation is of immense importance here.

"Why would you say that. I agree I was wrong, very wrong! Let's talk. I want to know what's bugging you."

Amazingly, she buys that. It's just been about 5 and a half months. On a flip side, I would have to now actually listen to what she's saying, and make her believe, somehow, that I'm empathizing. On a positive side though, I have managed to exhaust her and soften her a bit. So whatever she bowls now, the batting conditions are good.

There goes my almost perfect morning...

Anti-Story : Part Five

Preface to the Finale: We're, as they say, *just there*. I'm *touched* by the response I've got to this endeavor(!) of mine. There were complaints of confusion, which I have tried to address in last part, but the purists are still not happy, it seems ;-). So let's give it one final try.

Now something about hyper-linking. This part is hyper-linked to all the previous parts, for ease of navigation (some people might complain, that it's just to increase the hits, but that's NOT true). This should give readers a chance of going back and forth, to the exact parts of previous blogs, where the relevant con-text is situated.

Recap of events so far

Abhishek who was not in love with Hritisha, was going around with her, because of a freak accident, and because he did not want to take chance of Hritisha saying anything bad about him to Rachana -- the one he was in love with, and who although wasn't in love with him, wanted him because of sibling rivalry with Hritisha.

Kunal is in love with Hritisha.

Hritisha was in love with Manish (who doesn't figure in this story otherwise), who is in love with Abhishek's didi Mrinalini. So Hritisha wanted to take a revenge on Mrinalini by dumping Abhishek, which she did, for some entirely different (presumably) reason.

Someone was (presumably) in love with the narrator, and wanted him to surprise her.

Narrator believed that he was in love with Rachana (as he believed he was in love with any beautiful girl).

Author's Note: I'm surprised, people are confused by such a simple storyline!

Part V: It Is a Love Story

"Rachana is in love with me"

(For the uninitiated, this is just after she she asked me to surprise her).

"You're lying", she said.

"Why would I lie?"

"Why would she fall in love with you?"

"Why did you?"

"Me? When did I say so?"

This, as you see, was going nowhere. Of course, I knew she was in love with me, and she knew it too, and she knew I knew, and ... But how can I convince her that I knew?

"Are you not?", I decided to use the direct approach...

"Let's assume I'm not. Would that change why Rachana is/isn't in love with you?"

There, she had a point. So direct approach wasn't going to work.

"So you're saying there is nothing in me to make any girl fall in love with me?"

"I'm not saying that"

"What are you saying?", I asked, totally confused.

"Why do I have to say anything? All I'm saying is that I don't believe you when you say Rachana is in love with you"

"But why don't you?"

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence! right?"

Hmmm. That's the trouble with the sceptics! How do you convince anything to a sceptic?

"Okay, so all you're saying is, you think I'm lying?"

"You can say that".

"Hmmmm. Ask Rachana then".

"I don't even know her, except for all that you've told me about her".

"So how do you believe that she's beautiful?", I finally managed to turn the tables on her.

"Hmmmm. Okay, here is the deal, explain to me how she could have possibly fallen in love with you!"

And so I explained. Although, I believed that Rachana was beautiful, and in fact far better looking than Hritisha, I know that most guys that I know think otherwise (except for Abhishek). Hritisha is more like Aishwarya Rai, too plastic! But most guys like that! Obviously, Rachana had this tremendous inferiority complex re. her looks. Now Abhishek didn't know that even I was interested in Rachana, before. He wanted me to go with him on a double-date, so that he can spend time with Rachana too! But I always refused because, I couldn't stand Hritisha. Sometimes, Abhishek had mentioned this to Rachana, the reason for my refusing to go on a double-date, and Rachana had developed a soft-corner for me, because I hated Hritisha. But Abhishek being better looking, and also since he was Hritisha's boyfriend, she was all that more interested in him. Once Hritisha dumped him, however, things changed! Rachana no longer was interested in him, for the fear of a lifelong complex, that I explained before. I was the next logical choice.

I however, was already in love! The story of that online love affair is a separate story ;-).

When she heard this explanation, she was kind of convinced. Above all, she was slightly perturbed.

"So what are you going to do about it?", she asked.

"I haven't thought about it. I have always been fond of her."

"What about us?"

"What about us?"

"You know what I mean"

"I don't even know if you love me!", I lied.

"Why would that change anything?"

"You know I love you!"

"You know I love you, too".

"Yes, but till this moment, I had no way of convincing you that I knew it"

There, at last, was something settled!

What happened to Abhishek, you ask? Well that is the final twist to the story! I talked to Rachana, telling her that I'm already in love with another girl, and that Abhishek was actually always in love with her, not Hritisha. Rachana was ecstatic, now that she knew Abhishek thought of her more highly than Hritisha! That streamlined that romance, too. Finally! And we all lived happily ever after ;-).

Postscript: That's the end! And no, don't worry, I'm NOT going to post a blog on that online love affair! I swear NOT to write any more mutli-part blogs. Over and out.

Anti-Story : Part Four

Author's Irritating Note: Finally, I agree with those *pundits* out here, who say the word *Love* is of utmost importance in the Sulekha blog-space. I'm a little slow to catch up things. However, now that I know I was wrong, I'm taking *proactive* steps to make it right. That explains, why the title has been displaced by the sub-title. Let's see if *this* works

Another One!: More acute observers will notice that I've shifted from One, Two ... to roman numerals. Let's see if that works, too!

Part IV: Thank God It's Not A Love Story

Have you ever chased a car because you thought you saw a glimpse of a beautiful young woman sitting in it -- chased frantically, forgetting where you're going, forgetting the traffic, and everything -- just to get another glimpse of that beauty; and you finally catch up with the car, and peek in, just to see a pony tailed guy picking his nose? No? Then you don't really know the meaning of the phrase -give up ho gaya (pronounced - ghyoop ho gaya).

This give up is otherwise an un-describe-able state. Kunal would have known it exactly, though (okay, I had promised that Kunal has already played his part, but then that's if we go in a linear manner... flashbacks are always allowed, right?). It's because, after writing poems after poems (on cheap crumpled papers ...), and always putting them in notebooks that belonged to Hritisha, what did he get back? Nothing! Unless, of course, you want to count the same (albeit little less crumpled -- owing to the time they'd spend inside a notebook) pieces of papers, which were invariably found pinned on the Students' Notice Board. Kunal's poetry was thus a public property -- and a testimony to a true (blind) love.

Now slightly more sensible people will ask, why wouldn't he stop doing that! Well, if he were slightly more sensible, why would he fall in love with Hritisha in the first place?

On the other hand some would ask, why was Abhishek going around with Hritisha, just because he bumped into her? I mean, isn't that crazy, too? It is, but then, there was a method behind that madness. After his only plan having failed to hit the target (literally!), Abhishek did some introspection. Now, this is very rare in guys. For most guys, introspection is something similar to, "how would that female look if ... " (why take chances with censorship? especially if they ever make a TV serial out of this, I don't want it to be banned!). But Abhishek was somewhat different. Introspect, he could, and did! He even did some honest soul-searching and something called principle centric crisis evaluation.

The result? He came up with another plan. He didn't want to take chances with Hritisha saying anything bad about him to Rachana. And now that Hritisha was making passes at him, it was unwise (according to him) to just ignore her. The trick was to keep her believing that he's actually in love with her, and then to get closer to Rachana, through her -- a stupid plan, that was working surprisingly well, till the day when Hritisha decided to dump him. Obviously, he was very unhappy, since he wasn't yet so close to Rachana, that he could take it up from there. Besides, he had never covered for this situation, as he thought Hritisha was in love with him.

This crazy plan was destined to fail, if it weren't for the sibling rivalry between Rachana and Hritisha. Rachana suddenly developed an interest in Abhishek, although, she knew she couldn't possibly let Hritisha know that, as she knew Hritisha was surely going to create a bad image of her in Abhishek's mind, if she ever got a slight hint. Abhishek on the other hand believed that he wasn't making enough inroads!

Now, you'd think Rachana would be very happy when Hritisha dumped Abhishek for whatever reasons -- because now she could get Abhishek? Wrong again, how could she want someone that her sister had discarded? Wouldn't she feel inferior to her for the rest of her life? So there, she decided to forget Abhishek all together.

How, you're asking, is this remotely related to the other story? That, my friends, is the agenda for the finale. I just gotta stop now.

Postscript: Don't forget to read the next and the last part of the series. It's scheduled to be online Thursday 4:30 PM, IST. And, yes, I'm a great fan of Microsoft AFA plans are concerned.

Yet Another Postscript: Some guys have been asking me why have I put this (as they call it) cr@p in *CREATIVE* category. I've been trying to get Sulekha-bloggers to think about different categories (like, say CR@P), that we could ask Sulekha to provide. Unfortunately, that attempt was futile. Well, such is life...

Previous Part:Part 3: Divertimento
Next Part:Part 5: It IS a Love Story

Anti-Story : Part Three

Author's Note: Numerous readers have given me feedback that this anti-story is getting all too complicated. Owing to the interactive nature of this medium, I must take a due cognizance (what a word!) of these complaints. Afterall, readers are the raison d'atre of writing, especially fictional (which this isn't, I know)! So, honest now, I'm going to try hard not to confuse you the reader any more.

Let's get back to the story then!

Part Three: Divertimento

Enough about Abhishek then; just because he's my best friend, I cannot keep talking about him. Sooner or later, someone is going to ask - but what about her? What about the gang?

So let's start exactly where we started before:

"Surprise me", she said.

"What do you mean?", I blurted out, confused as a hell.

At this point, last time, I derailed into contextualizing -- with all its inherent dangers. Well, let the bygone s be bygones. We're taking a fresh new stance.

So what was this she, whoever she was, doing with me, a single in a gang of singles, with long term single-hood prospects -- by my own admission? What if I tell you, that this she was the beautiful kid sister of the vamp-ish Hritisha-- the adorable Rachana? Would you believe me? You would have to. But I won't lie to you. However I wish it was her, I am not an eminent historian who could change history! I'm just a humble narrator.

Most of it (of her being with me, or rather, I being with her), has to do with a first grade plan that the gang had come with (very different from Abhishek's pathetic attempt at plan), to try and change our predicament. Of course, I can't tell you the plan just like that (the interested can contact me, with all the details about their target). Suffice to say, that it was a great success! Here I was sitting with her, drawing circles in the sand on Chowpati (a sort of beach -- or what's left of it, after innumerable number of eating joints have proliferated). Why? Too many hindi movies again, I guess. What else was a just-yesterday-was-a-single supposed to do with a beautiful girl, who by her own admission was madly in love with him? I know what all you dirty minds are thinking, but come on! This is family entertainment channel ...

That was our first meeting, after a long e-romance. That, my friends, is when she said that line to me. Now, you can understand better, why I blurted out what I blurted out. And moreover, why I was confused. Con-text, afterall, has its own value. Now, I agree that Abhishek has nothing to do with this, but then this is the first time I'm narrating a story. That, mind you, is a difficult art! Besides, not everything that I told you about Abhishek is irrelevant to what's to come later (in short, there is going to be another part, at least).

For those who're confused with too many names, here is some relief. You won't need to remember these characters anymore: Mrinalini, Kunal, and Manish. They've served their purpose. How often do you see writers being so kind to you? I've read so many novels, and you always have to remember all the characters till the end. And more often than not, the ones that you forget, turn up in the next ten sentences! Not here. (Some people might say that I'm doing this because I cannot think of ways in which I can use them, and am myself confused with the way the story is going. Don't believe them!!)

"I mean, surprise me!", she said, in a very helpful way.

At this point, multiple things crossed my mind. I can't just write about them here. But I knew that I did not have guts to do most of them.

"Ah! Surprise you!", I said, trying to buy some time.

"Yes", she said, not relenting the pressure a bit.

What happened after that is a history! But we need to tie some lose ends first, just so the impact is maximum. I plan to do that in the next part.

Post Script: Being a Software Engineer, I've never known how to schedule anything! Consequently, I miscalculated the number of parts that I'm going to need, twice now. Finally, I've given up calculating! Besides, there is a strong funda called lazy evaluation, in our field, which simply means -- don't do it, till you have to do it. Well *that* has been my life-philosophy anyways. In short, I'd let you know when the story is finished. No more guesses anymore.

Previous Part: Part TwoThe Hidden Agenda

Next Part : Part IV Thank God It's Not a Love Story

Anti-Story : Part Two

Part 2: The Hidden Agenda

I'm damn tired from my effort in last part to keep the story straight. I thought I had done a great job, but then suddenly I remembered that I haven't told anything about her. So that is the agenda today; afterall, do you think I'd write this long story to tell you about that stupid Kunal and Hritisha and Abhishek?

But then before I even start to tell you about her, I must tell you a bit more about my gang -- the one, that I made a passing reference to, in Part 1. For once I can assure you, that when I said three pals, I really meant three! I can even name them. But that would be too traditional a story-telling.

Of course, Mrinalini wasn't exactly fond of the gang, either. Mrinalini, you see, was hardly fond of anyone. Abhishek thought she was fond of him, but that definitely wasn't the case. But she still made it a point to make him believe it by expressing concern about his relationships and all. Not that he had many! The only way in which he was better off than the gang, in that domain, was because he was lucky! Now I know that that's what most singles would think about those who have hooked up with a beautiful girl (which Hritisha wasn't, but Rachana (her kid sister) was). But I'm being very objective here (as always).

What do I mean by luck then? For one, Hritisha hated Mrinalini, as Mrinalini had stolen Manish from her life . I know this is getting complicated. But then, has life been anything but complicated? In any case, I'll spare you that story too (if ever I choose to write that story, I'll put a link to it right here!). And Hritisha used to think that Mrinalini was very close to her brother. Besides, Abhishek was madly in love with Rachana (the fact, which neither Rachana nor Mrinalini know, till the time of the writing of this), and used to hang around her place trying to innocently bump into her, as it was the only grand plan he had of hooking up with her. Watching too many hindi movies can be a good life strategy, if you're really really lucky. Unfortunately (in the larger context), Murphy struck hard, as Abhishek ended up really bumping thrice into Hritisha instead!

Abhishek wasn't the only one who watched too many hindi movies; so did Hritisha. And although she didn't believe that bumping into a girl is a good plan of pataoing her, she was obviously aware that most guys think that it is a good-enough plan. So when Abhishek bumped into her thrice in two weeks time, she was sure that Abhishek was after her. She didn't like that proposition one bit, but then she remembered that Abhishek was Mrinalini's brother. She didn't think for one minute more. This was her golden chance of getting back at Mrinalini.

Damn! I was going to tell you about her, and the gang (separately!). I guess that'll have to wait till the next part. Even I need a break now ;-).

Post Script: In all likelihood, the next part is going to be the concluding part, unless I digress again (which is equally likely!).

Previous Part: Part 1: What Love's Got To Do With It

Next Part: Part 3: Divertimento

Anti-Story : Part One

[Writer's Note: Those who haven't already read the Part 0 of this exciting series ;-), I'd strongly advice you to do that, before you proceed with this one. You wouldn't understand a thing in this one if you didn't. You see, all the con-text is in there.]

[Another One: The title of this part has (like most blogs that you read here) nothing to do with this blog. I've included the word Love here, just to prove the law of diminishing returns to all those guys/gals who're excessively obsessed with the market research. Curiously, if I fail in doing that, I still end up as a winner! ;-)]

Part 1: What's Love Got to Do With It?

As I was saying, the first time I saw Rachana, the kid sister of Hritisha, I was still a student. God, how I remember those days! (Yeah, god only knows, knowing how I remember in general!). We - not me and Rachana: she was faaaar to cute, and I well -- let's just say I ain't exactly the cross between Casanova and Keanu Reeves (not that I understand what's the big deal about the latter). We, meaning me and my three great pals, all single (and without a remote chance of that changing), were perfecting the art of doing nothing. No, Abhishek is not one of those three! He is a great friend, not a pal. Besides he wasn't studying in the same institute.

Abhishek hated being dumped. I know what you're saying. Everyone hates being dumped. But that's not entirely true. For instance, I know at least three (yes, successive approximation...) people who are really really happy about being dumped. I know another five guys, who are trying very hard to get dumped. But that's another story (which, I'm NOT going to tell you)! We're talking about Abhishek. He, as I already told you, hated being dumped. Why? No, not because he loved Hritisha or anything. Believe me, even you wouldn't have. Unless you happen to be Kunal, that stupid romantic chap, who writes cheap poetry, on crumpled papers that end up in Hritisha's notebooks, everytime she forgets them somewhere. And, forget she does! Always! You see, even I remember that she forgets...
Some very perceptive guy there is asking me: "listen! " (I hate when people say that word in that way! Even if I'm listening ( especially if I'm listening), if someone says that word, that way, I stop listening to him/her. I'm that sort of guy. I don't like to be told to do things, that I'm already doing. But this guy is fortunate, because I did listen to what he was asking.) "How do you know all this, if you met her just thrice?"

Smart guy, isn't he? Wrong! If I start telling a story, where I tell only that which I know first hand, I'd have to shut up most of the time (which I'm sure many will prefer, but I am not one of them!). In other words, there are a few thing that you know -- not know as in, really know, but still you kind of know that you know. So believe me when I say she used to forget her notebooks practically all the while.

Mrinalini, (forgot it already? Abhishek's didi) always used to think that Abhishek shouldn't have fallen in love with Hritisha. Little did she know that he had not! No one knew -- no one except me (and Abhishek, of course)! Do you know how bad it would have been had Hritisha learned about it before she dumped him? You think you know, don't you, but I bet you don't. You don't know a thing about Hritisha, do you? She is one sick female. She'd have never dumped Abhishek if she had known the truth -- that Abhishek didn't love her.

Why then was he going around with her? And why was he so upset at being dumped by Hritisha, if he didn't love her in the first place? So upset that he, the coolest one, turned into a devdas in a matter of seconds? Still to come ...

Previous Part: Part Zero Con-text

Next Part: The Hidden Agenda

Anti-story : Part Zero

Disclaimer: All charachers and events in this story are real, to each other, and all events are even more real, to the characters. So don't insult them by saying, how could this happen! The truth, they say, is stranger than fiction. Does that mean anything that is stranger than fiction true? Don't ask me, I never said that.

This is a story in five parts, unless, I decide to change that midway. The obvious intention behind making it five parts is to get higher HLS. In a world that is ruled by TRPs and HLSs, what does a sincere writer (for instance, myself) do? Do I sell myself to the lures of meaningless HLS competition? Or do I write for the sake of writing? Without hesitation, I chose the former!

And it shows!

Part Zero: Con-text

"Surprise me", she said.

"What do you mean?", I blurted out, confused as a hell.

Oh, you'd want to know the context, I know! See, that's why I hate to write about these things! Before I even touch the pen to the paper (in a purely figurative manner -- I doubt anyone pens anything anymore!), I have to worry about this context business. Don't you think it's a bit overrated? (Or a byte-overrated, if there were such a term?

Afterall, do you really trust me to tell you the real context? Aren't you going to (have) be satisfied with whatever I say is the context? And since it is me who's telling the story, wouldn't that context be exactly what I need to reinforce my pov (point of view -- for the dummies); if I have one, that is? So, my first instinct is to refuse to let you guys be the victims of selective context-ing ...

But seriously, what is a story without context? eh? One gotta give at-least a minimal context, right? I hate to do this, but what can I do? So, let's begin somewhere at the middle, and go back and forth as and when we need. Because, you see, I'm dyslexic when it comes to reading my own memory, if you know what I mean. In simple words (well, why don't I tell you in simple words, in the first place, you ask? To be honest, I don't have much to tell, and I still want you to feel there just might be...), this so called chronology thing is (again), IMHO, highly overrated (since, I am obviously challenged in that respect). The only way I can approach this problem, is by the most trusted scientific method of all time: successive approximations. That's why I'm starting somewhere in the middle (which could well turn out to be a starting point, you figure all that out.. All you intelligent folks out there!)

It all begun(?) when I was pursuing my Engineering degree. Nothing really happened then, that is even remotely related to the actual story. But eh! You need context, right? Didn't you yourself ask for it, specifically?

Mrinalini was Abhishek's older sister. This Abhishek fella, is a really cool guy, if you ask me. Well, maybe I should say, was a cool guy; cos, that was before Hritisha dumped him. Why did she dump him? How the hell do I know! You think I'm a script-writer or something? This is a narration of a real-life story, and there are going to be many things in here that you'd never know. Hell, even I don't know many things, and do you think I'm going to tell you everything that I know?

Besides, look at it this way: have you ever been dumped? (No don't get defensive and all, this is NOT meant in an insensitive way, I'm just trying to make a point here). If yes, do you know (and I mean really know, not think you know) exactly why you were dumped? (Yes? Then you're double duped!) No? Then how would I know why my best friend was dumped by a girl (or a female, as we like to say), who I have met only thrice (that's again a successive approximation. When I was telling this same story to Rachana, I think I said four, which could be equally wrong; or equally right, unless, one of the two is right).

(For those people, who have never been dumped, don't lose heart! Your time will come too. Reread this part at that time, and you'll understand what I'm trying to say here...)

Meanwhile, I gotta stop now. Gotta get some work done. The real story will start from the next installment. Do come back to read it soon. ;-).

Next Part: Part 1 What's Love Got To Do With It!